Have you ever felt stretched like Gumby and still feel guilty for not doing enough or being enough for enough people?
This blog post is for you.
This is permission to put down a new boundary and to be prepared for pushback.
When you do, pay attention. You will quickly see who reacts and who does not. Some people have no issue with unanswered needs. Others respond as if something has been taken from them.
That distinction matters.
There are people who let things roll off their back. A canceled lunch is no problem. Family things come up and they understand. Life happens, and you never feel guilty for living it, because it is your life. They know no one controls what gets thrown into a day or a week.
And then there are people you can never explain yourself enough to.
You cannot soften it enough.
You cannot justify it enough.
You cannot unburden it enough.
No matter how much access you give, it is never sufficient.
This is not a communication issue.
It is a relational pattern.
In some relationships, availability becomes expected rather than appreciated. One person adjusts. One person accommodates. Over time, that flexibility becomes a requirement instead of a choice.
When that person begins to hold a boundary, guilt often shows up immediately.
Not because the boundary is wrong.
But because the dynamic relied on that person giving more.
From a psychological perspective, guilt often functions as a stabilizer in one-sided relationships. It keeps the accommodating person in place when reciprocity is absent. The discomfort is not evidence of harm. It is evidence of interruption.
This is why setting a boundary can feel worse before it feels better.
Pushback does not mean you are selfish.
It means something changed.
Watch who adapts without protest.
Watch who pressures you to return to the old role.
That information is not personal.
It is structural.
A boundary is not silence forever.
It is clarity.
It sounds like choosing when and how you are available.
It sounds like letting life unfold without narrating or apologizing for it.
It sounds like no longer being on call for everyone else’s unmet needs.
And if you still feel guilty, that does not invalidate the boundary.
Guilt often appears when overgiving stops. It is a learned response, not a moral verdict. You do not have to wait for the guilt to disappear in order to keep the boundary. The boundary is what eventually quiets it.
This blog post is for the people who gave until it hurt.
For the ones who were never unavailable enough and somehow still not enough.
For the ones who confused exhaustion with care.
You are allowed to stop.
You are allowed to hold a boundary.
Even if someone does not like it.
Especially if they do not.